; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
