You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
