Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
