TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
