Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
