Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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