forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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