just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
