If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So much rum. So many feels.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
