I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
