Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
