I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
