Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
