I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So many bounce houses so little time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
