It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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