Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
