Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
