so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
