i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
