So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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