If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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