i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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