Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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