Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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