you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He did a backflip because drugs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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