i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
