not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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