After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My feet surprised me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
