You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
