i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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