break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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