that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
