dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
