Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
