Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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