I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
