Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
