he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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