your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
