Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
