hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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