You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize