i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize