i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
