We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
