just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
