I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
