This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
