You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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