i think i have two assholes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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