i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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