Kiss
Puke
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
