The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
