i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
