Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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