The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Alive.
So much puke
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
