Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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