My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize