Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
