Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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