Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
