you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize