if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How does one acquire holy water?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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