There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
