I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
